Toddler Talk!

Out of the mouth of babes: Payton 5 years old, Miles 2 years old.

Sitting in the hair salon with Miles. The gal next to us heads outside to smoke, comes back in and sits down right next to Miles. She clearly smells like cigarette smoke.
Miles plugs his nose tight “stinky! nose is stinky!”.
And cue lady to look away in embarrassment.

Halloween songs playing on the TV on YouTube, Mom at work, Dad with the kiddos:
Payton: Look Miles, a mummy!
Miles: No! Mommy is at work!
Payton: No Miles! There is a mummy on the TV!
Miles: NO! NO! I said Mommy at work!

Me getting very very frustrated at Payton who is taking her sweet sweet time when we are in a hurry and is driving me crazy with her crankiness:
Me: Payton, for the millionth time, hop to, chop chop. Quick like a bunny. Mooove it! WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!
Payton: Mommy stop…this is taking all the life of my thought!

At the park with Miles and he runs over to get me:
Miles: Mommy Mommy is emergency!!
So I run over quick…and see a baby spider on the play steps.
Miles: Teeny tiny itty bitty spider gon get me!
Me: That was the emergency?
Miles: YES!

Talking to Miles:
Me: You are my baaaaby!
Miles: I not a baby!
Me: What are you?
Miles: I a Miles! I two a half.
Me: Are you a boy or a girl?
Miles: A boy!
Me: Yes! And Mommy is a girl!
Miles angrily: NO NO NO! You are a Mommy!

Payton playing Candy Land with Daddy:
Payton: Daddy, I don’t think it matters who wins. But if I don’t win we are playing again!

Payton buttering Daddy up:
Payton: Daddy you are a great singer! Can I have waffles for dinner?!

I take Miles diaper off before bath. He then starts to pee on the floor…
Miles: Mama! Juice comin from there! Juice! Mama, juice!