The tale of putting a toddler to bed and a Mama going crazy!

Every single day from 1:20-1:40 I want to pull my hair out.  I hate nap time.  Putting a talking toddler to bed is a nightmare.  It goes a little something like this:
Me: Payton, let’s go potty and get a drink of water.
P: Nope, not right now, I don’t need a go potty.
Me: Ok, well it’s nap time, so let’s go get in bed.
P: No!  I need to go potty and get a drink of water!
Me (laughing, and not in a good way): Ok then, potty and water.
P slumps up the stairs on her bottom one by one, then literally drags her feet on the ground to the bathroom.  Then stands in the bathroom just looking around.
Me: Payton, take off your pull up and get on the potty please.
P: Nooooo…you do it!
I take of her tutu and her very dry pull up, then plop her on the potty.
P: You go downstairs and wait.  Go waaaaaay downstairs far away and wait.  Go Mama.
Me: No Payton, I’ll wait for you here.  One more minute to try.  (Oh and on a side note, she isn’t potty trained, she only has to go potty when it is convenient to delay something, such as nap time.)
Then I pull her off and pick up her pull up.
Me: Ok Payton, put your pull up on.
P: Noooooooo.  I don’t want that pull up, it has pee in it!  I don’t want it, it’s dirty!  Go get me a new diaper.  Not a pull up, I need a baby diaper.
Me: Payton this pull up is clean, you are going to wear it.  You don’t get a drink of water until you put it on.
Finally she puts it on.  I fill up her cup with water.
P: Nooooo!  Bigger!  More water!  (Falls to the ground flailing and screaming.) More water!
Me: I’m going to dump this water out, do you want it or not?
P: (Sits up quickly) Yes Mama, I want it.  (Then sits on the ground taking baby sips, sip by tiny sip by tiny sip.)
Me: One more sip and bedtime.  Put your cup on the counter please.
P: Noooooo…I’m not done!  (I shoot her a glare…she puts it on the counter.)
Me: Ok, into bed now.
She drags her feet as slow as possible.  I finally pick her up and put her in the bed, turn her fan and noise machine on.  Cover her up.
Me: I’ll sing you one song today and scratch your back…Twinkle twinkle little
P: Nooooo!  Sing ABC’s!!
Me: A, B, C, D……
Me: Ok now let me turn your music on and time for bed. (Turns music on and shutting door.)
P: Noooooo Mama (runs to the door) I have to go pee and get some water!
Me: No Payton, we already went pee and had a drink of water.
P: Mama, I have to pee again!  Again!  (Falls on floor flailing about.) Again!  Again!  I have to pee again!
Me: No Payton.  No.  Get in bed or there will be no music for nap time.
P: Again!  Again!  I have to pee!  I need water!
Me: That’s one.
P: I have to give Miles hugs!
Me: That’s two.
P: I have to give Miles hugs and kisses!  But Miiiiiiiiiilleeessssssssssss!
Me: That’s th (and Payton gets in bed before I finish the word three).
P: Scratch my back!  Sing to me!
Me: Payton, we already did that.  I am going to give you kisses and leave, it’s time for night night.
P: (Shakes head back and forth as fast as she can.) Nooooo!  I don’t want kisses!  No kisses!
Me: Ok then sweet pea, no kisses.  I love you lots, night night.  (shuts door)
P: Nooooooooo!  I have to pee!  Mama…I have to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I walk away, she fusses for a while…then 25% of the time takes a nap and 75% of the time plays in her room.  Ahhhhhhh!  Every.Single.Day.  And this is the shortened version!

The result –
Some days we get this:

Most of the days we get this (and clearly she is tired!):

And oh how I miss this: